Battery of life

A fighting soul means such an exposure to physical and mental drain. Whilst striving to maintain a positive outlook on things around me, my battery was running out fast, I guess.

So far I have mostly dealt with an emotional hiccup by staging another state of mind in me. Sometimes my mind was even forced to forge such a state of mind. Only recently I realised how dangerous this could be.

Unlike my well-known extrovert personality on the surface, during past few years, I must have developed my inner-self as an introvert. Once in a while, I tend to enjoy a couple of days of total solitude at my own place cutting all the ties and communication to anyone. It was obviously a way of recuperation and protective mechanism that I needed to perpetuate my social life. It was the price I needed to pay for staging and maintain a certain state of mind in me.

I woke up this morning with fever and rash skin. Last night I knew it was going to happen like this. This fight that I picked up for myself, was not meant to guide myself to be more true to what I am and who I am. I guess I need to be true to my innerself now.

When this fever is gone, this surge of emotions subsides, I will be listening closer to my heart and trying to learn to focus on being more honest to myself.

Emotions come, they go. I don't manipulate, I don't encourage myself to respond.

Yalla. Going back to bed.

* Listen to The world I know by Collective Soul from Blip.fm