Out of Africa. Out of Africa.

Back in early 2007, I was pleading with myself that the harsh emotion that I was suffering from was only a byproduct of a necessary healing process. That rootless sense of longing was just another chemical reaction in my brain.

Out of Africa was the most memorable epic story for me. Well, I have not been lucky enough to find many movies/novels emotionally compatible. Yet, this story of a Danish baroness, Karen, has electrified me when I watched it again a few years back. I felt as if I was a Karen.

I was growing disappointed and depressed by a relationship which confined me within the walled garden, even though it was beautifully cut out for my comfort and safety. I felt protected but my liberal disposition had to get me out of there.

When I looked out to the world and found another one. I felt my patience was constantly challenged by being together with a person with different understanding on being liberal and being engaged.

When Karen was facing her reality, being left out there in Ngong Hills without Denys, she finally made a reconciliation to herself, of what she was and what she wanted to seek in her life.

Every time I watch this movie, especially every time I picture Karen making her last words in front of Denys's graveyard, I felt a sense of assimilation. These days this Karen in myself brings me back to the time when I was meaninglessly looking at my bedroom wall back in 2007. What do I want in life again. Where does this surge of emotions lead me. Why have I tried to find it in another person else than myself.

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I had a farm in Africa. I had a farm in Africa.